You or the Blues

If you don't like the blues,
Lors a mussey! Neither can I
Well if it's you don't like the blues
I s'pose then neither can I
Cause if your lordly will won't permit it
I'm 'unna hafta bid 'em goodbye

We can toss my rhythm out the window
Flush my 12 bars down the drain
Yeah, throw my rhythm out the window
And flush all 12 bars down the drain
Chuck my harmonica in the fire
And leave my ol' guit' out in the rain

See if the blues don't make you happy
I guess we can throw them out
Or perhaps if the blues don't make you happy
Then, Lord, I could throw you out
But if I have to choose between you and the blues
Well either way I'm gonna pout

---

Col' Blooded Blues

Col' blooded! Can't feel my toes
Col' blooded! You know I think dey is froze
Aww my blood is runnin' cold every time it snows

Col' blooded! She a col' blooded croc
Col' blooded! Restin' on a rock
Aww the only time she warm is at noon o' clock

Col' blooded! Sleepin' in a log
Col' blooded! With the col' blooded frogs
Aww she left me cold down in the bog

Col' blooded! Got the col' blooded blues
Col' blooded! Body heat's what I lose
Aww the only thing keeps me warm is some hot-bottled booze

---

Little Red Robot

Ain't got an essay done
Since my little red robot been gone
No I ain't got one spreadsheet done
Since my little red robot been gone
I been tryin' to crunch numbers on paper
But all my digits been wrong

If you see my little red robot
Scan this picture of the shape I'm in
Well if you see that little red robot
Scan this picture of the shape I'm in
I ain't gotten any email in my inbox
Lord, since my little red robot knows when

If you see my little red robot
Tell him to program a route back home
Aw if you see my little red robot
Program his software the way to get home
If his software can't be programmed
Toss over this way a chewy motherboard bone

---

Blue Moon Blues

I got them blue moon blues
Aw I got them blue moon blues
If this only happens once in a blue moon, then I ain't got much to lose

Oh them blue moon blues are waxin'
I said those blue moon blues are waxin'
Tryin' to live my life in the dark of a new moon is taxin'

I'll be howlin' at that blue moon
Oh you know I'm howlin' at the blue moon
If I don't quit my howlin', I'm gonna be a blue moon werewolf soon

AhhhhhOOOOOOOooooooo
I said AhhhhOOOOOOOOOOOooooooooooo
I want to eat your flesh

---

Illiteracy Blues

Got some illiterate blues
Aww-aw, in my dyslexic shoes
Got some illiterate blues
Aww-aw, you know I'm missin' some screws
The way them blues ills me, baby,
Lord knows I can't even read the news

Got some illiterate blues
Aww-aw, you heard, I iterate illness
Got some illiterate blues
Aww-aw, you know I just wanna kill this
I try to pour myself a lonesome drink,
Aw, Lord knows I'm gonna spill this

Got some illiterate blues
Aww-aw, ain't no time for simple learnin'
Got some illiterate blues
Aww-aw, prevents my pages from turnin'
The only verse that keeps me satisfied in this cold night
Are those warm pages I'm burnin'

---

Blind Mice Blues

Got blues of mice who are blind
Lord, I got blues of mice who are blind
While they are hard to catch, it's us that they'll never find

Oh I got blues of the blind mice
Said I got blues of these blind mice
To e-rat-icate these rodents from my house, I'd pay any price

Got the blind mice blues
Got a case of the blind mice blues
Instead of chewin' cheese, dey chewing holes in my shoes

---

Blues Suck Blues

Aww that col' hearted lady
She wanna silence what I say
You know that col' hearted lady,
Oh, she wanna silence what I say
She gonna hate my ol' guitar
Even though I never hurt her in any way

I'm 'unna go down to Lakewood
Aww, with my six-string by my side
Yeah I'm 'unna go down to Lakewood
With my ol' six-string by my side
When I sing a sweet, sweet song to the lady
Aww let her tell me she ain't satisfied

But I will drink muddy water, woman
I will bathe in the boggy muck
Said I'll drink muddy water, woman
And bathe in that boggy muck
I'll lead a life of exile, lady
If you persist that my blues songs suck

---

Back Stabbin' Blues

Got a sword in my back,
Lord gotta sword in my back
Dear God I'm bleedin' all over, gotta cut me some slack

You know I turn around an instant
And I kneel down to pray
Said I turn around just one instant
Makin' the motion to pray
Aw the dear Lord answer my prayers
In a most upsettin' way

Yeah gotta sword in my back
Whoa, got this sword in my back
Turn a droopin' eye lookin' elsewhere, get a blindsided attack

Well I think I'll just lie down now
Gonna bleed out this misery
I'm 'unna just lie back now
Let it bleed out my misery
Well the Lord put a down payment on my soul
With a lifetime warranty

Gotta sword all up ins
Yeah gotta a sword in my back
But before I die, I just need to tell yo... ACK!

---

Fat Man Blues

Does the ground shake when you walk?
Do the trees tremble when you tread nearby?
Said does the ground shake where you walk?
Do trees tremble as you tread nearby?
The way your footsteps causin' craters
Aw you know you're gonna make the earth cry

Gonna jog another mile, baby,
Cause I got the baby-fat big-bone blues
Yeah gonna swim another lap, baby,
Awww cause o' them blubber-belly man-boob blues
Gonna keep on shadow boxin' all night
Cause' I got a couple lovehandles to lose

Gotta get that stomach stapled shut, son
Gotta get that belly lipo'd off
Yeah try to staple that stomach shut, son
Get that jiggly ol' belly lipo'd off
Get that triple bypass heart clog cleared, son,
An' stay away from that pig food trough

---

Maybe I Don't Have the Blues

Maybe I don't got the blues
I might just be teetering on teal
It could be I don't got the blues
But I'm just teetering on teal
Could be some aquamarine or green
Can help me see just what I feel

Maybe I don't got the blues
But I just don't wanna risk it
Said maybe I don't got the blues
But you know I cannot risk it
Perhaps I had the blues once
And I just kinda missed it

Yeah maybe I don't got the blues
But, you know, the blues had me
Maybe I don't got the blues
But maybe the blues had me
The blues had me locked in a sad lonesome cage,
But it seems they let me free

Maybe I don't got the blues
In fact I'm feelin' rather glad
So maybe I don't got the blues
Since I'm feelin' rather glad
Don't know what malaise crept right upon me
To make me feel what I felt I had

Gotta say, the Back Stabbin' Blues are my favorite. :P
» randomjunk on 2008-04-18 02:55:29

XD
» renaye on 2008-04-18 04:18:01

Cold blooded blues ftw!
I almost came up with the tune for it, too. :D
» middaymoon on 2008-04-18 05:54:21

I have my own music to go with these. I'm thinking about recording a blues EP.
» Bartholomew on 2008-04-18 06:33:29

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» Dorian (202.108.50.74) on 2010-09-04 12:35:38

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